Is My Loved One Depressed or Anxious? The Subtle Signs You May Not Have Heard Of..
By Dr Maria-Elena Lukeides, Clinical Psychologist at Ponti Health, BA (Hons), M.Psych(Clin), Psy. D(Clin)
Most of us are aware of the most common and evident symptoms of mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, but are you aware of some of the more subtle signs? These tips can help you give loved ones support and help even earlier, assisting in preventing escalation or deterioration of their condition.
I get a ton of questions from loved ones regarding the subtle signs of depression and anxiety. Commonly, we are aware of the more telltale signs, but concerned loved ones are worried that they may be missing more subtle cues and failing to respond appropriately.
Most of us find it easy to discern when depression looks like sadness, unhappiness, low mood, lack of initiative and motivation and low energy levels. Accompanied by these symptoms, the person in question may readily discuss these feelings and identify as experiencing depression. Anxiety, similarly, has classic tells as well.
Anxiety disorder is characterised by physical symptoms of nervousness, such as increased heart rate, shortness of breath, dizziness, feeling flushed, embarrassed or blushing, hot and cold flushes, feelings of nausea, avoidance of activities, places and people triggering fears or nervousness and in general the acknowledgement of discomfort and anxiety related to tasks or places. Anxiety is related to thoughts, fears, and beliefs that activities most would consider ok are, in fact, potentially frightening and/or dangerous. So experiencing such symptoms when about to skydive would not be considered anxiety within a mental health context, as this would generally be considered a frightening activity by the general population.
Some of the more subtle signs of mental distress are often mislabeled. Low energy, lack of motivation, low initiative, a sense that action is futile and talking oneself out of activities or attempts to make changes can often be misattributed to laziness. Now it may well be that you would describe your pubescent adolescent or partner as lazy, but we would be looking for a change in their normal pattern of “laziness”. So for example if your teenager can;t even be bothered going out to see friends or to the shops to look for a new outfit and this is an activity they have not been reluctant to get out and do in the past, then this may be a subtle cue that all may not be OK.
Another common symptom of low mood, and folks, I’m pretty guilty of this one, is decreased tolerance and increased frustration. While most of us easily identify sadness as a sign of depression and shyness as a sign of anxiety, increased frustration, low tolerance, impatience, and more frequent outbursts can be cues that someone’s emotional coping is being strained. Generally, people just think you’re ‘angry’. It’s important to think about this in terms of someone’s normal MO. Is this current level of anger and impatience something that you would say is characteristic of their personality, or has there been a change in severity and frequency?
If you observe any of these signs and are concerned, it's important that you try to discuss these observations with your loved one. Just knowing that someone has noticed these changes and is concerned that they may be struggling may be a very compassionate, supportive and validating place for a loved one to begin to gain some coping and address issues before they escalate. At times, loved ones may not have noticed these changes themselves or even be aware that their mood may be compromised. Asking about someone’s current mood, headspace, levels of happiness, worries, and concerns from a loving and genuinely caring place is a wonderful way to show love and create an environment of trust and support. And don’t worry that encouraging someone to speak about their sadness or their fears will only make them worse. Years of research have shown that being invited to speak about the very things that are at the core of how we are experiencing the world at any given moment, especially things that are causing stress or pain, is our best way of experiencing connectedness and understanding.
Your loved one may need to speak with their mental health doctor or a trained psychologist or therapist. Knowing that you support this would be encouraging for them.
Sometimes, though, our loved ones may not have a lot of insight or be prepared to seek help. If this occurs, it may be just as important for you to seek treatment and advice. I have worked with some amazing families who have been able to change quite a bit of the family dynamic and assist with a loved one’s mental health challenges by gaining skills in validating and supporting them and recognising some of these more subtle signs and symptoms of their distress.
Personalised Solutions for Diverse Needs: Your individual experience with your mental health is unique. Whether you're struggling with self-esteem, navigating complex relationship issues, PMDD, Menopause, ADHD, Trauma, Divorce, Anxiety or those seeking to make significant lifestyle changes. Her approach goes beyond traditional therapy; it's about crafting a personalised pathway to wellness that resonates with your life's realities.
Dr Maria-Elena's practice provides compassionate, inclusive care for individuals and families of all genders. She works collaboratively with patients to support their mental health and wellbeing in a safe, affirming environment.
Please click on this link to make an appointment with Dr Maria-Elena Lukeides or text us on 0427608298.
Crisis Information
Our Psychiatrist, Psychologist and Mental Health GPs work as a team and can step in and support you during business hours, even if your specific doctor is away.
However, should you or someone you know require urgent crisis assistance, pls call please call 000 and ask for immediate support. You can also present to your nearest Emergency or Accident and Emergency service at your local hospital for immediate intervention and support.
The 1800 011 511 Mental Health Line is NSW Health's 24/7 statewide phone service, linking people with NSW Health mental health services. It is a free service.
It is staffed by trained mental health professionals who:
Offer mental health advice
Complete a brief assessment
Make recommendations for appropriate care, including referral to NSW Health mental health services.
The mental health professional will ask you questions to understand your needs and recommend appropriate services.
There are also other mental health resources provided by the state government of NSW, accessible via
https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/mentalhealth/services/Pages/default.aspx
